To begin with: No, I don't usually draw or are particulary skilled at it. Made this in ~1.5 hour with Pilot marker pen while listening to Trentemøller "While the cold winter waiting". Please, please do me a favor and listen to it while taking a look at my drawing, hopefully some of the emotions get through.

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Last night I once again had some creative frustration, music-wise. I have been composing/producing since about 2004, mainly electronic music. I have signed some original works and remixes to smal indie labels, nothing fancy. But along the road I have had (and still have) such a hard time to compose and produce freely, to find inspiration and use it to go further in my knowledge.

I came to the conclusion that it mainly comes down to two things.

First thing: My sources of inspiration, other musicians. I find such a joy in discovering and exploring new music, new genres, new creations by various artists that I want to share it with others; I try to sound exactly like them or replicate elements from their music. Problem is, I'm fast with comparing my works againt the original, the inspiration. You hardly get happy or enjoy your creations when you're still learning and developing your skills, and instantly compare yourself to artists with way more knowledge and experience.

Second thing: The public person in me. I find joy in more things than creating the music. I love photography. I'm fond of graphic design. Web design. Typography. The list could be much longer but let's stick to these. Recently I took the website for my music project Warpfuz.se offline to give it a redesign; use cool new techniques (HTML5/CSS3/Media Queries...) and make it simpler and more user friendly. But then I thought to myself, when I was finishing up the website: "What am I doing? I no longer spend much time or enthusiasm in the music I compose, since I get disappointed and feel like I don't make any progression. Why on earth do I then put a new, fresh website up when I have no content, no fresh and inspiring music to showcase?"

I realised that the PR person in me, so to speak, are nagging over the creative musician in me. "Come on! Do something! I must put some new material up, at least give me something!", while the musician in me are more like "But what's the point? Everything I do turns into half-finished projects or utter junk."

So, how to change this negative spiral I've been in for the last years?

Firstly, I realised that the reason I find the music I listen to enjoyable is because it's innovative, detailed and original. If I only try to recreate it I'm lucky if I end up being detailed, most likely not even that. To succeed, or move forward, as a musician, I need to find my own path and develop a sound and style that I find a joy in creating. Sounds very simple, but that's more or less it.

Secondly, I need to send the PR person in me on a permanent vacation. If I stress my creations even just a bit they will undoubtly end up being half-finished or utter junk. I've said for more than three years that I'm working on an album. I've delayed the release date several times (lastly I scheduled it for summer 2012) as it still isn't finished. I will now once and for all say the truth: It's ready when it's ready. Not because I think many people wait for it or really care, but for my on sake, so I can continue work on it without feeling an ounce of pressure.

Inspiration is something wonderful, when you feel like your not creating but rather discovering something. While drawing this little sketch I felt that feeling for the first time in many years. Hopefully I'll get back there.

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